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The adventure of these days

By February 12, 2016 30 Comments
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I´m laying down on the floor pressing down my right knee and trying tenaciously to feel Vastus medialis and the rest of the quadriceps. Frustrated I realise I can´t put tension on it like this. I sit up and try another exercise. Yes! I can feel the vastus. The happiness I felt when I did this was enormous. It was equal to finish a great interval session, if not bigger. This small achievement that 1 week ago would have been nothing. I would have laughed if I would have imagined myself unable to feel my leg muscles.

I had a few days when everything was dark. And it was hard. And it was painful, and it was all at the same time. Not all the time obviously, I got happy hanging with friends talking, laughing, but the general state was not so good. I listened to a song that made me sad, because I wanted to feel nothing else than pure sadness. But in the end of that song I felt the urge of listening to something happy. So I changed. And my mood to. Sad-happy- sad-happy. I needed both.

These days I´m doing rehab to prepare for the operation next week. And even if it´s not where I want to be. I appreciate so much this moment. And I don´t know if I understand myself here. I am so happy even though nothing is what I want. But right here and now, all I want to do is to get back out there. Play in the mountains. Run the fastest I can. I want to ski uphill and downhill, I want to feel my heart beat fast, the pain in the muscles. I want to be at a race hearing people scream “ Dai dai, venga, Allez, go go hejja hejja Emelie!!” I want it to so badly.

I know the only way to get back is to do this full hearted. To live and enjoy the adventure of today wether it is to find and work on different muscles, to take a shower ( yes, yesterday it was my project and it was great.) or to learn about physiology, plan my garden, the rehab, hang with friends.

I go by step by step. The most obviously bright shining door closed right in front of me, but to see what is in this one is pretty damn exciting! What will I do on this travel? I have so many ideas and it makes me happy! I will keep you updated 😉

 

And once again: thank you all for your encouraging messages. It means so much.

Emelie

Emelie

Swedish mountain lover. Loves running and skiing, farming and baking! ❤

  • Jotunheimssonen

    Simma lugnt Emelie! För varje litet steg upp berget får du våra “hejja!”, tills du är där ute igen! 😀

  • Sim

    keep smiling, emelie, after that, you will have an iron leg! 🙂

  • Hasse Gustafsson

    Hejja hejja Emelie! Kämpa på!

  • Tijs Van den Broeck

    Staying positive is really important. :] I hope to see a lot of blog updates and yummy recipes while you’re on the road (or trail) to full recovery. ^_^ You’re an inspiration and a pretty awesome human being so I really hope to see you up and running again soon (literally!).

  • Thierry Verdier

    injured since September, i’ll have an operation of my meniscus the 23rd, my only goal after that is the same as yours : “play in the mountains”, take care…

  • Åse Möller

    Hej heja – du kommer att komma tillbaka starkare! Varje steg framåt kommer att kännas underbart. Du har ett tydligt mål – du är stark och du kommer att nå dit! Vi är många som följer dig och hejar på dig!
    (Har själv op båda knäna främre korsband, jag vet känslan:-))

  • Jo

    Thank you Emelie for who you are, you’re such an inspiring athlete, I’ve often been injured but next time I will think of you, you really give me life lessons , I wish you a successful operation and rehab !

  • mathilde

    Dear Emelie
    I wish you all the best and courage, you will see it’s gonna be a great adventure, your adventure!
    Of course i wish you a fast recovery, you are so inspiring, i really admire what you are and what you achieve.
    I had the same surgery last June and i used a machine “game ready” it’s help to reduce the edema faster and reduce the post pain surgery.

    Once again I really wish you all the best !!

  • I’m sure surgery will be fine and you’ll find a way to use this moment and turn it into opportunity! Vai vai Emelie!

  • ANNA

    Hi Emelie, you are awesome! I am happy that you share all this with us. I really know these feelings (I had to support one year without running, being injured). Full hearted wishes that you will have a good operation and a soon rehabilitation!! Stay that positive, and here are some inspirations for your rehabilitation exercises post operation 😉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLTJvnRqDPQ
    Lots of love and energy, ANNA

  • Xavi

    Salut i amunt!!!

  • Emilie et olivier Vidal

    we wish you the best recovery ! 🙂 you are our model, smile courage effort humility, lifestyle … so many quality! You’re a great for us. Emilie et olivier from France.

  • Benjamin JACQUET

    Be strong !

  • SILVIA

    Qué grande eres!!!!!!!! Adelante y poco a poco , es lo que hay.Intenta ser lo más positiva posible dentro de lo que te ha tocado 🙂

  • Karinmedk

    Åh, känner igen mig så väl i dina känslor för skadan o dagarna efter. Skadade mitt knä i en slalombacke och trodde hela livet hade rasat ihop sedan, grät o grät o grät. Men… att komma igång med sjukgymnastiken direkt och sedan kunna se de små framstegen snabbt gör att humöret blir bättre och jämnare. Jag vet att längtan är så svår o stark. Kunde knappt se på när kompisarna tränade på som vanligt… Men du kommer fixa det här galant! Du har ju världens starkaste motivation och du kommer få springa i bergen igen. Det tar bara lite tid. Häng i!

  • Miguel Ibáñez

    I’m so sorry because of your injury, I wish you a perfect recovery!! I keep following you, you’re such as an inspiring person! I wish you all the best

  • Tobias Reiner

    Nagra stenar lyser som fullmanar. (Tomas Tranströmer, November)
    Live. Love. Life. All the best to you, Emelie. Time will fly. You will be flying again.

  • Nati

    Hi Emelie! I am reading now your post injury thoughts and .. It reminds me a lot myself when crossing tramuntana I made a pretty bad step and broke the whole ankle.being injured is difficult, especially for people who put sport on the first place. I am far away from professional trail runner, but this is …my freedom. And along with a process of recovery you will have lots of downs, but also lots of ups, you will start appreciating little things, little progress. But those little moments are moments which gives us hope, positive thinking and energy to be stronger:)!
    Good luck!!!!! You will be back soon on the trails!!!!!!!!

  • Marc Costa Puigpelat

    Yeah, I’m pretty sure that with this mentality you gonna come back playing into the mountains even stronger 😉 Maybe, accept sadness is a part to be happy 🙂

  • Gabra

    Dear Emelie- you are wonderful human being. I love your cleverness and positiveness. You are inspiration to other people. You show that you are just person and as everyone you had bad and dark days. I believe that the worst is over and the best is yet to come for you. You have so much fans all over the world, many friends who support you and won’t let you down anymore! Remeber that you can always count on us, we are here to support you not only in “the moments of victory”,but also when you are struggling with injury. We will get you through this! 🙂 You are such a strong woman and you will reach the world, My Dear! 🙂 get well soon, braveheart girl!!! 🙂

  • Richard Ferron

    Borrow Kilian’s Compex to maintain you leg strength. Will help in the long run. Stay strong and happy!

  • Ervin Bartis

    Keep strong Emelie and really hope your operation goes well! I’m sure you know that in this adventure called life there are many ups and downs. In hindsight many of the downs are actually not that bad and they can make you stronger or more appreciative of small things. At least that’s what I’m trying to always tell myself 🙂 Take care of yourself!

  • David

    Happy for you to see that your overall moral is much better than a few days ago. It’s a beginning of a long journey and you will be back stronger in your mind … and in your right knee 🙂

  • elsa

    med din inställning och motivation är jag övertygad om att du kommer vara tillbaka i bergen i nolltid! inspirerande att läsa.

  • Cat

    Emelie, I’m a trail runner in Hong Kong, and you are such a HUGE inspiration to me – Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! I’ve competed in lots of sports and been injured soooo many times. It really sucks, BUT, what is truly amazing is how awesomely our magnificent bodies are able to heal – and often allow you to come back even stronger!! Rest, treatment & a positive mind set are the most important things. Calming the mind will help. Here’s a link to a guided, 15 min long, meditation that I do every day. Perhaps it will help you too.

    You GO!!!!!!!!! Love & Light!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Salva

    Hi Emelie from Spain.
    Waiting for seeing your smile again at the finish line.
    Vamos!

  • Charlie

    Amazing ❤ thank you for your honesty xx

  • Marita

    Du er et stort forbilde, Emelie! Både dine tanker, interesser og positive væremåte appellerer veldig, og det er ikke rart du har mange fans og følgere over hele verden. Lykke til med rehabiliteringen! Hvis jeg kjører forbi ditt nye småbruk en gang så kommer jeg gjerne opp om og ser hvordan hagen og grønnsaksdyrkingen din går 🙂

  • holly

    Emelie….I know it’s hard to believe now but u will come through this. U are lucky u are young and strong and mentally tough. This won’t b the last time u are injured but every time it hurts like hell. I know…I’ve been there. 6 stress fractures……each one breaks my heart. But without movement we are deprived of our drug. Stay positive..this will pass and u will be smiling in the mountains before u know it. Holly

  • Shannon Syrstad

    Just got diagnosed with a complete acute ACL tear (skiing too). I come to your blog to read your journey because I’m about to go through it. Pretty scared!